Shad's story

Shad was born on October 8, 2012 to Sasha and Michael Christiansen. Sasha is Jared's younger sister, who was adopted from Ukraine when she was {8 on paper, but really about 11 years old}. She had a very rough life before she was adopted by the Smedley family in 2004. The first cool thing about all of this is that while Jared was almost finished with his 2-year LDS mission in Chile, he had a feeling that he needed to extend his mission (which is pretty rare). He had no idea why, but later he found out that had he decided to not listen to that prompting, Sasha and Alina (who was 6 at the time) would not have been adopted because Jared's parents would not have gone to Ukraine had he come home when he was originally scheduled.

Sasha told me that when she was pregnant with Shad, she had a feeling she needed to place him for adoption. She already had a two month old baby boy when she found out she was pregnant. However, when the time came for Shad to be born, she decided she was going to take him home. He was a beautiful healthy baby boy, 7.1 lb, 21 in long:

About a month later in November, I came to visit Utah for my younger brother's mission homecoming, and while I was there I had a feeling I needed to see Sasha. I met Shad for the first time on November 10, and as I held him in my arms he looked at me and our spirits connected. It was a strange feeling, but I dismissed the thought and went back to Michigan feeling a little heartbroken. At this point Jared and I had been trying to get pregnant for almost two years now.

Fast forward a month. We went back to Utah around Christmas time to visit family for a few weeks. Soon after we got there we had lunch with some friends who had recently adopted a baby girl and had her sealed to them in the LDS temple a few months prior. They told us all about adoption and how incredible it was. A seemingly small and simple conversation, but it was definitely preparing us for what was about to happen in the next few days. Before that conversation, adoption hadn't even been on our radar because we were just about to start actual fertility treatments in January. I actually had a procedure already scheduled for the week after we were to get back from Utah. While we were there, we also found out that Sasha had placed her baby with someone else. Now I was even more heartbroken. I voiced my feelings to Sasha on Christmas Eve. She said that she would have asked us to be his parents in the first place, but that her husband Michael thought we hated him. We told her that we definitely did not hate him, we had never even met him before. So that night after a family party we went over to their house to meet him. (A few weeks earlier, Jared had watched a movie that had some racing car in it and prior to that movie had never heard of that car. But apparently while we were there it got brought up and Michael said it was his favorite car. He and Jared talked about that car almost the whole time we were there.) We never said one thing to Michael about adoption that night, we just wanted to get to know him a little more. After we left their house, Sasha texted us and said that Michael really liked us and wanted us to adopt their son. Jared and I prayed that night if this was the right thing, and we both knew immediately that it was.

On Christmas day, Sasha and Michael had gone up to Idaho to visit some friends for a few days. Jared and I texted a friend who had just adopted a baby girl a few months ago, and asked who their adoption lawyer was. She gave us the number, but said she thought he was out of town for the holidays. The next morning, I got a text from our friend who said that the lawyer happened to be in his office after all, and she had already called him to let him know we would be calling him. Sasha also texted me, and said she called the girl who had him and told her that she wanted him back. The girl basically said that Sasha would have to get a court order to get him back. We asked Sasha what kind of paperwork they had done to place him in the first place. She told me that her sister-in-law had the paperwork with her, so I went by her work to pick it up. I called the lawyer, who wanted to take a look at the paperwork himself to see what we needed to do in order to get this baby out of that home. So Jared and I met with him later that day and showed him the paperwork (which was a single sheet of paper signed by Michael only, giving legal guardianship for one year and signed by a notary at a bank.) Our lawyer took one look at it and said, "Ok this is Dad's paperwork, where is mom's?" We told him that there were no other papers, and he said, "Ok, well Sasha still has every right as his mother to go pick him up right now since she never signed anything giving her consent to place him." He suggested to us that we call a police officer when we are ready to pick him up so that they could keep the peace. He also said it would be best for Michael to go to a notary and sign another paper stating that he is revoking his previous guardianship paper. That way all our bases are covered when the police show up. So we called Sasha and she told us to come pick her and Michael up from Idaho, which is about a 2 1/2 hour drive from where we were. While we were on our way, they went to a bank and signed a paper revoking the previous paper. The roads were very icy and it was snowing the entire time. Jared and I kept praying that we would make it safely and that this little baby would be safe too. There were many prayers for us by our family members as well. Needless to say, we did make it back to Utah safely, and at this time it was about 8:30 at night.

We got to Sasha's in-laws' house to get her ID and medicaid card that showed the baby's name on it. This was the only proof that he belonged to Sasha still. We really wanted to still go get him that night, because we were worried that the girl would take off with the baby and we would never know what happened to him. As we were waiting in the car for Sasha and Mike, Jared and I prayed and told Heavenly Father our plan that we thought we should get him that night, and said if there is a reason we shouldn't do it, to let us know. We went inside after that and called the police, who said they probably wouldn't be able to do anything since it was a civil matter, but that they would be able to have an officer there to keep the peace. He asked us how he would know that he was Sasha's baby, and what type of documentation we could show them. We couldn't find her medicaid card, so we really didn't have anything that showed he was Sasha's baby. She had given everything to this other couple- his social security card and another medicaid card. The only thing they didn't have was his birth certificate, because when the baby was born Sasha and Mike didn't have enough money to pay for the birth certificate at the hospital. We knew that we only had one chance to try and go to the house to get him, so we decided at that point that we should wait until the morning and go to the health department to get a birth certificate. He was born at Mckay Dee Hospital, so we were planning on going to the Weber County Health Department, because we thought it had to be at the county he was born in.

The next morning we woke up early to pick up Sasha and Mike from their house in Clinton at about 8:30 am. When we got there, Mike's brother asked him if we could take him to the Bio Mat in Clearfield to donate plasma. We knew we were kind of crunched on time, but we told him we would anyway. As we pulled out of the parking lot at the Bio Mat, we noticed that we were right next to the Davis County Health Department. We decided to run in and ask them if we could print off his birth certificate there even though he was born in Weber County. It just so happened that we could, and there was also absolutely no line to wait in (which NEVER happens!) This literally saved us about an hour and a half of time, which is really important because the day was packed full as you will find out in a minute.

So now that we had the birth certificate, we called the police to meet us at these peoples' house, who lived about 10 minutes away from where we printed off the birth certificate. The police officer sounded really annoyed, and told us several times that they wouldn't be able to do anything if the girl wouldn't give him back because it was a civil matter. When he showed up, we both parked a couple houses down from the house the baby was in. We saw the girl's car in the driveway so we knew they were home. The officer came up to our car and asked what was going on, why they were trying to get this baby back after signing guardianship papers, etc. Sasha told him that the people lied to her, and that she found out after the papers were signed that they both had multiple drug felonies and were on probation. She said that she wanted Jared and I to adopt him instead and that we needed to get this baby out of that home. She told the officer the names of the people, gave him all of the documentation- the birth certificate (which was the first thing he asked for), their IDs, and the guardianship paper and paper revoking guardianship. The officer said he would go back to his truck and get in touch with their lawyers and then let us know what to do from there. We sat in the car for a good 25-30 minutes before we noticed another police car pull up behind him. Then about 5 minutes later another police car, and then another one, and then another one. There were now a total of 5 police cars all lined up behind us. They all got out of their cars, talked in the middle of the street for a couple minutes, and then the officer we originally talked to came up to our window to talk to us. He said, "We are going to go inside to make contact with these people and try to get that baby out of the home." (remember, before we told them the whole story, they all said they couldn't do anything to help us because it was a civil matter. It now became a matter of, "we need to get this baby out of this house now". They must have pulled these peoples' records and realized the baby was seriously not in a good place.) So all of the cops went up to the house and surrounded it to cover every window and door to make sure this girl didn't run with the baby. (This is totally like a movie, right?!) They were in the house at least 20 minutes or so, then a couple of the officers came out, looked at us in our car, waved, and took off. About 20 minutes after that, the original cop came out and told us that they had a police officer sitting with the baby to make sure the girl didn't take off with him. He said DCFS had been contacted and were on their way to come talk to us. He said that the baby would probably be taken into state custody until they could figure out what to do from there. DCFS showed up about 20 minutes later and said they were going to take him to The Christmas Box House, which is where they take foster children and other children who have no place to go. Sasha and I both broke down in tears when they told us this. Sasha kept asking him why they wouldn't let her take him. They didn't really give us a straight answer, but they asked if there was any family who would be able to take custody of him right away. Jared and I were out of the question at that time because we lived out of state, and they needed to do background checks and a home visit to make sure the house is safe for children. We told them that there were a couple of options, Jared's parents and Mike's sister. The DCFS lady told us to call them and have them go to the DCFS office to get background checks. In the meantime, they said they still needed to take the baby away right then. They gave us the name and number of a case worker who would be on the case for this baby. Jared asked if he could see the baby before they took him, and they said of course. They brought him out in a carrier, and Jared just put his hand on the baby's head and immediately knew that this little boy belonged to our family. It was really cold and windy, so they made us say goodbye so they could get him in the warm car. Sasha and I just cried as we watched them put him in the car. The police officer brought out all of the baby stuff to put in our car. It all wreaked of cigarette smoke. We didn't really know what to do from there, so we went to lunch because none of us had eaten anything all day.

By this time, it was around 12:30 pm or so. Jared called our attorney's secretary to get some advice about all of this. She said he wasn't in the office but she would take a message. We told her what had happened. A few minutes later, our attorney called his from his home and we explained what had happened. He said, "What?! Who do I need to call to get this fixed?" So we gave him the name and number of the case worker. After we went to lunch, we called Jared's parents and asked them to go to DCFS to get background checks, and we decided to go back to their house (that's where Jared and I were staying) to drop off all the baby stuff. As soon as we got home, our attorney called us again and told us to come to his office at 3:30 to sign legal guardianship papers so at least whenever the baby was released we could immediately take him from there. A couple minutes later, the case worker called Sasha and told her that she could pick him up from the Christmas Box House as soon as she could. He said there would be another case worker to meet us there. By this time, it was about 2:30. We got in the car and drove to the Christmas box house, which was about 20-30 minutes away. When we got there, the case worker apologized several times and explained that there had been a misunderstanding with the police. They thought the police wanted the baby in state custody, and the police thought DCFS wanted him in state custody, but neither of them really felt it was right. They gave us a large sack full of baby stuff-formula, diapers, clothes, etc. and said if there was anything else we needed to please let them know. We put the baby in our car and went straight to our attorney's office, which happened to be about 10 minutes away. We got there at about 3:25 pm and signed the papers right away, giving us legal guardianship of the baby.

This is our first family picture together. It is a horrible picture of me especially, but I still had to post it because it is the first.

We went back to Jared's parents house where we were staying and felt like we were in shock. I was shaking and didn't really know what to do. That entire day felt like a week's worth or events. We put the carseat cover and washable stuff in the laundry to try and get the smoke smell out. Then that night we went to see Les Miserables (because we bought the tickets weeks prior with my parents and brother and Jared's family.) We debated on whether or not to go since we were completely pooped, but I wanted my parents to meet their newest grandchild. So we went, and I sat in the hall with our baby for the first few minutes of the movie and Jared came and took over for the rest of the movie. I walked in right at the part where Jean Valjean sing the song “Suddenly”, about becoming a parent overnight. I was immediately bawling like a baby because I felt the same way. Overwhelmed but incredibly grateful. It was one day and we were immediately parents. We didn't have 9 months to prepare for it. But somehow we had been prepared along the way without even knowing it.

Anyway, the day we brought him home with us, Sasha was still with us. Jared was holding him and he looked at Sasha and said, "Sash, none of this happened by accident. Everything that has happened today needed to happen the way it did. This little guy was meant to be part of our family and he already knows it." As he said this, Shad looked up at Jared right into his eyes and smiled huge. We all got chills, it was pretty touching.

That night, as Shad lay sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed, with the lights dimmed and Paul Cardall Primary piano music playing from my phone, Jared opened up one of bags of stuff from the girl's house and got a huge whiff of cigarette smoke. It was just a stark contrast. As we lay there in bed, Jared said, "We need to say a prayer for this girl who had him for a month, I'm sure her heart is breaking right now." So we knelt down and prayed for her.

We didn't decide to change his name from Kyle until a day or two later. We were all sitting at the table talking about whether or not to change his name. We decided he needed to have a name that meant something, that had to do with all that he went through. He needs to know his story. We started thinking of biblical names of people who went through some hard times. Jokingly, someone said "What about Shadrach, Meschach or Abednego?" (for those of you not familiar with the bible story- those three people were thrown into a fiery furnace but were saved by an angel). We all laughed and moved on to the next names. Then I believe it was Jared's mom who said, "What about just 'Shad'?" It immediately felt right. We looked up the meaning of the word "Shad" and in Hebrew it means "rescued". We decided to keep his middle name Allan. In Celtic, it means, "harmony, stone, fair, handsome, or noble." His birth father's middle name is also Allan. His family is Irish. Shad needs to know his roots and where he comes from. My uncle who passed away several years ago is also named Alan, who was a very amazing man, so there are a few very good reasons to keep that name. So then it was decided. His name would be Shad Allan Smedley. It just sounded so perfect.

 We had to wait about a week after all of this happened before we could go before a judge and have Sasha and Mike sign the official relinquishment papers. Apparently the judge was supposed to be out of town as well but then randomly happened to be in town as well. (We were told later that we accomplished 6 months of paperwork in less than a week!) We decided to not really tell anyone until we knew for sure that was going to happen. I had two friends who knew, Jessie, the one who we got the adoption lawyer's name from, and one of my very best friends Sierra. They both posted on Facebook that an unnamed friend had just adopted a baby boy and had nothing for him since it was a very unexpected thing. They asked friends if anyone had anything they needed to get rid of. Both friends called me and had boxes and boxes full of stuff. Much of it was brand new stuff too. It was overwhelmingly touching how many people had no idea who I was but still wanted to help us out. One person even bought us a very expensive crib from our registry on amazon. (I figured maybe like 10 people would go in on it if anyone). It was shipped right to our house and was waiting for us when we got home. I still have yet to start sending out thank you cards, but every one of them needs to know how much they have helped us out.

We are so very grateful to everyone- family, friends, and strangers who have made this adjustment for us so much easier than it should have been. Thank you to everyone who has kept us in their prayers for many reasons. We know this was not by accident that Shad has come into our lives. Most importantly, we are very grateful to Sasha and Michael. They are such amazing people and will always be an important part of our lives. I hope they both know how much we love and appreciate everything they have done for us. Without them none of this would have been possible, and we are forever grateful to them. Shad is so lucky to have them as birth parents and he will grow up knowing how much he is loved by them through their selfless act.

I am sure that by now I have forgotten more of the little cool details, but that pretty much sums it up. That's how Shad Allan Smedley became part of our family in a very sudden way.