Some highlights

Highlights of the last few weeks:

 

 Shad became a toddler over night. It was a little bitter sweet for me to see him so grown up in a matter of hours!

 

 

 

Shad made his first piece of artwork in day care. It went straight on the fridge so I can show it off to anyone who cares!

 

We got a very kind letter from President Uchtorf, the second counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, congratulating us on the adoption of Shad. It helps to have family connections. ;) I love that Shad will always be able to look at it as he gets older and know how truly special he is. And, as a friend pointed out to me, it also puts the pressure on Jared and me to step it up and "bring him up in truth and righteousness and help him prepare to be a valiant servant of the Lord." We will definitely try our hardest to do so!

 

I am so grateful for our sweet Shad in our lives. I am so grateful to Sasha, his birth mom, for her willingness to follow what she knew to be right in allowing us become his adoptive parents. I know that Heavenly Father had already planned for him to be our son way before we ever knew it. I know this sounds a little strange, but I am also really grateful for my infertility. I am thankful for all of the pain, physical and emotional, that I felt almost every day for two years before we became parents to Shad; the joy he brings us was worth every bit of it. I don't know if I will ever be blessed in a way to bear children through my own body, but I do know I will have more children in the future in whichever way the Lord sees fit. He definitely has a plan for each of us and each one is so unique to our own situations and capabilities. I am so very thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, for His atoning sacrifice. He truly knows the pain and suffering that each and every one us has and will experience. I am so thankful that because of His atonement, that we will be sealed to Shad for eternity, and that families truly can be together forever.



Hats

Today I feel like complaining a little bit about my many {figurative} hats. They include:

Wife
Mom
Nurse
Student
Sole provider of income for our family
Accountant
Housekeeper
Cook
Sunday School teacher
Visiting teacher

All of these things combined keep me super duper busy. Sometimes almost to the point where I am about ready to throw in the towel. But those top two hats are what keep me going. I love my two boys more than anything in the world. Jared and I both graduate next May and then Jared will start getting some sort of income, so that gives me a small light at the end of this tunnel. {Then there will be the long tunnel of residency, but we will worry about that one when we come to it.}

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am a busy woman these days. I may not be the best at any of these roles, (especially housekeeper and cook lately) but as long as I give my all to the most important ones, somehow I keep making it through. Thanks for listening to my little rant session. Here's a picture to make up for it:

(One of the reasons I get out of bed in the morning)

Bitter

I hesitate to write this post because I don't normally share my feelings on this blog, but I feel like I just want everyone to know what is going on so they can understand why I get snappy or try to change the subject when they start talking about how EVERYONE I know is pregnant.

A couple weeks from now will mark a year since Jared and I have started trying to have a baby. That first month after getting off birth control was so exciting. I started a "baby box" with random baby things I find on sale or would want to have when I have a baby. (Like blankets, bottles, baby thermometers, etc.) Then, month after month of no period but negative pregnancy tests and frustration, I started to wonder what was wrong with me. It didn't take more than a month or two for any of my sisters or my mom to get pregnant. Why am I such a freak? So in June, I finally called my doctor, who after blood tests and ultrasounds, diagnosed me with polycystic ovary syndrome. He started me on Glucophage (also for diabetic patients), which was supposed to stimulate ovulation, and also scheduled an appointment with a fertility specialist ob. I had to schedule an appointment with her 3 months in advance. So in September, after no success with the glucophage, the fertility specialist started me on Femara (also for breast cancer patients) (while continuing on the Glucophage because they work "synergistically") which is also supposed to stimulate ovulation, which up to this point I still haven't done at all. She gave me a 3 month supply and set up another appointment after 3 months. In December, at my next appointment, she just increased my dose of Femara, and said if I'm not pregnant by March, I will have to start real fertility drugs. Over the Christmas holiday, the time which is supposed to be centered around Christ and loving others, I found myself becoming very bitter. Bitter at everyone who is currently pregnant and/or who already has kids. Bitter at the 16 year old girls who try having sex once and become pregnant and don't even want the baby. Bitter at the teenage patient I had a few months ago who has had 4 abortions and finally decided to put in an IUD after having a full-term baby. Bitterness is not fun, nor is it healthy. I knew I needed to change my attitude. Over the past few weeks I feel like I've been blessed with the comfort that I am loved and that everything will work out the way Heavenly Father has planned for me. I don't know what He has in store for me in the future as far as kids go, but I am putting my trust in Him that He knows what is best for me at this time in my life. I know that He loves me and will bless me in my life if I have faith and strive to be a better person. I'm so grateful that Jared and I have this time in our lives to still be spontaneous (ie: this Valentine's day we are going to a Red Wings game and staying in a fancy hotel that night in Detroit) and have time to grow stronger together as a couple. I know that we will be blessed as long as we strive to do our best in following the commandments of the Lord. I have a lot to work on...

I'm scared....

So.... I'm not going to lie, I'm a little scared that it's almost here. We are leaving our family and moving clear across the country. Up until this point, I've mainly been excited, but I think it's starting to wear off and now I'm feeling a little nervous and scared. I know I will have so many times where I will be sad and lonely. I just hope I can make some really good friends to keep me company.